hello everyone. :)

it took me awhile to figure for myself what love is to me.

i truly believe love is a feeling that can’t be compared to anyone else’s. it’s original with each partner we cross paths with; or if we’re lucky, the only partner we feel it with.

every relationship is a different experience.

i’ve been with the same guy since the day after Christmas, the day we met. 10 months later here we are. still together. it wasn’t easy and it still isn’t.

we’ve been on and off through out the year, but we still find a way to come back to each other.

we work because no matter what happens we support each other at the end. if we truly love each other we’ll forgive each other.

we have issues. he has trust and commitment issues along with his psychotic disorder and i’m a hopeless masochist romantic.

it’s a lot of work but it’s worth it.

we’re both new at real relationships. there was a time we both gave up. he more times than i did. didn’t see the point. wanted something more. thought there was something better.

we saw other people. i tried to get over him. i mean really tried. i don’t feel anything from anyone else. never had. he fucked other girls. hotter girls. said he didn’t feel anything for them. he also said he didn’t feel guilty when he cheated.

love isn’t fairytale. you don’t choose who to love. i love my guy because he’s honest. he’s a jerk and an asshole douchebag but a lowkey sweetheart dork that i seem to bring out.

he gets really romantic and cheesy. he will crawl next to me and not let me go. he makes me feel like his girl. no matter who he’s around.. he always treats me like i’m his. it’s times like these i fight for. we’ve been through a lot together.

he’s what i want and always wanted.

someone to complicate me. someone different.

i’m the sweetheart and he’s the bad boy.

he’s not boyfriend material at all… but i love the jerk anyways.

it’s gonna be a wild ride but it’s worth it. even if we don’t make it to the happily ever after.. i’d rather have this with him than a tame relationship with anyone else.

not foolish just a different type of relationship than most.

accept love for what it is not what it isn’t.

(Source: lizzieishere)

Love is difficult to explain. My theory is that we truly love one person. We can love ten billion people, but the point is that we fall into true love with only one person. The reason it’s only with one person is because when people fall in love they can never fall out of it. No matter how many days or weeks or months or years they spend apart, they always love each other. And as time goes by, we think we’re “in love” but we’re not even close. When we fall truly in love with a person, we don’t know until we’ve lost them to some extent. I can’t describe exactly what love is, seeing as how I’ve never been truly in love, but that’s one of my theories as to how it works.

(Source: noroze4u)

True love is like an accident. It’s something that we don’t prepare for, and when it happens, our hearts stop… and it takes our breath away.

Now look at what I stated above. I didn’t say love, I said true love. To me, there is a difference. For many, this feeling is anticipated. For example, so often these days people are signed up on websites that are designed to join them with their ‘soul mate’. When this works, two people fall in love and they live happily ever after… thanks to the internet. I’m not saying that finding the person that you’re meant to be with by the web isn’t fate, because it is, but it isn’t natural. In my mind, this is why that love is different than true love.

Like I said before, true love is like an accident. It is unplanned, to some sporadically imagined, but certainly not foreseen. We are living in our day to day routine when without warning, we meet him… or her, and suddenly our lives will never be the same.

There was a time when my heart was broken so badly that I swore I wouldn’t let another guy get close enough to put the pieces back together. I would rather do it myself. So I began to live my life in the direction that I believed would lead me back to happiness without a relationship. I went back to school, worked everyday, spent more time with the friends I knew would make me smile, and spoke to God everyday. Once I finally started to get used to this new routine, so abruptly… true love had shown itself to me, so impetuously, so unplanned, yet so true. I tried, but I couldn’t deny that before my very eyes, he had put the pieces of my heart back together.

True love is like an accident. So terrifyingly unpredictable of when it will show itself to you, but I think it’s better this way. 

(Source: osillyme)

How would I start telling about my first love? I suppose I could start with my first impression of him and his impression of me when we first met that he told me afterwards.

I saw him at church but we never really got to talking at all, I just know him on a first name basis and that’s it. They were new at the area, they were from the city. I grew up here and have always thought that I’d never go anywhere else and that I’d grow old here too. Anyway, we were of the same age too… I noticed him because he was tall for our age compared to the other boys. He was always alone, if not I found him talking to his sister. He never really hangs out with the other guys. I wondered about that.

It was our last year in elementary school, we were about to graduate. That school year, he transferred to the same school I’m in. By the way, let me put a name on him. I call him Jonas. We weren’t in the same class, but because we were on the same school we often see each other and at church too… Somehow along the way, we got close and became friends. Actually, the best of friends because besides his sister – I was the only one he talks too. After church, we often talk and during breaks at school when we cross paths, we chat. I finally understood why he didn’t hang with some other guys from the church – he told me he didn’t like what they do or talk about. Mostly about girls and not the good talk – guy talk. We stayed friends and grew closer each day, and then we graduated and became freshmen in High School.

We weren’t on the same class again, and then eventually he found a girl he liked. He courted her, but the feeling wasn’t mutual. I didn’t realize what I was doing; my first instinct was to comfort my friend. But we found ourselves feeling more than friendship for each other. You could say we got our eyes open, it was right there. I didn’t plan what happened, nor did he. I was broken hearted as he was because my boyfriend and I just broke up and then he got shut down. Maybe it was fate or whatever, in between – we fell in love with each other. It wasn’t supposed to happen; we kept it a secret because of my parents. They didn’t want me to have a boyfriend until I’m in college.

In my case, it wasn’t puppy love even though I was young. You’d know later on why I could say that what I felt then was real and not just an illusion conjured to satisfy my curiosity.

After a few months, I got tired of lying and we both decided it would be better to end the relationship for the meantime. Wait a while to tell both our parents, we talked about it… It doesn’t mean we stop loving each other, but at least we have our conscience clean. It was the perfect agreement, and I trusted his word. But he didn’t keep his promise and more than breaking his promise, he made a fool out of me because he made me believe even after the relationship ended that he’s waiting for me… But I found out that he already has a girlfriend, he transferred school after we broke up. I didn’t believe our friends at first when they told me they saw him a couple of times with someone else… It took me a while before I had the guts to confirm. I asked him if it’s true and the only thing he could say was “I’m sorry”.

It didn’t hurt at first, I was more angry than hurt. I was holding on to a fake promise, and I couldn’t accept that I’d been fooled. I hated him, and I made sure he knows it. I stopped talking to him; he found excuses not to go to church anymore to avoid seeing me. He tried to talk to me a couple of times but I only turned my back on him. Somehow in falling in love, I lost one of my most treasured friends.

It took me almost 6 years before I saw him again, a lot of things happened that made it easier for us not to cross each other’s paths. I got to talk to him again one night, when he had to attend a dinner somewhere near our house. He saw me, and this time I didn’t turn my back on him. I guess you could say that I matured. I missed him, all those years I never forgot about him. In my heart he will always be my first love, and whatever happened in the past was just that – in the past. We found ourselves reminiscing about the years when we were still friends, trying to tell each other everything on that single night. We sat on the steps of a building while talking for hours… It was right then that I realized I still have feelings for him.

We saw each other a couple more times after that, and maybe because we owed it to our past that we tried dating a few times… When we kissed (it was the first time for us), I was convinced that my feelings never changed, I was still in love with him – after all this years… But I got my heart broken again, not because he didn’t keep his promise again… But because he couldn’t make a promise to me anymore… I knew he didn’t feel the same way about me. Not this time.

It was painful to be in love with someone who used to love you; it was painful to not be able to tell how you really feel. We both decided to stay friends. I didn’t have it in me anymore to lose him again, so I put on a brave smile. We’re still friends up to this moment, we talk when we find time to do so. More than his love, his friendship mattered to me. I decided to stay his friend not because I’m thinking I could make him fall for me again, but because I know my life is better if he’s in it. I’m not in pain anymore, because I’ve accepted the fact that everything happened for a reason, and no matter what he will always hold a special place in my heart.

I’m not giving up on love despite the fact that it’s been evading me. I’m still hoping that somehow, I’ll find the one who I’ll love and who will love me in return as well. As for my friend who got his own shares of heart aches, I wish him happiness. No matter what, despite everything – in my heart, I’ll always be a friend for him.

I fell in love before and got my heart broken, I fell in love again and the same thing happened. But then I lost a friend, now I retained one despite of.

He is part of who I am now and who I’ll be.

I will always love him because I was in love with him.

I’ve realized that there is more than love, if you can’t hold on to love… save the friendship.

Written By: Joai B.C.

(Source: oneseventeen88)

“So what do you want from this?”

Yellow light pours in from the streetlamp just outside the window- the blinds never really covering the entire pane. The dim light stays in the corner, ignoring the darkest parts of the room but illuminating just enough to make out shapes. Illuminating enough to see him crying. Did the room just get darker?

I wait for my answer. Unsure of myself, unsure of the question. I need to know, so I ask again, “What do you want from this?” But this time directing the question to the shape of him, not actually to him. I had strength enough to ask once, a simple effort to voice my thoughts but this was a true question- one in which an answer was expected, an answer I had not the bravery to face. I hoped my question would find him in all that darkness.

The tension rises as the truth builds in his throat. He swallows, choking truth back- holding it beyond wants and needs, expectations and pressures, holding it beyond the reach of his greatest flaw. The truth fills his nose and stings his eyes. He rubs them and gets truth all over his fingers. He wipes the sweat off his brow and truth is written all over his forehead. He cannot escape the truth.

I begin to notice my heart beat, the rise and fall of my chest, that coincides with my breathing. RISE. How do these things work so perfectly together- that my heart can beat, and my chest can fall, so that I might breathe and live (and hurt and love and…)? FALL. Why does nothing else work so flawlessly? RISE and FALL.

He looks at me with eyes full of truth, eyes red with truth, wet truth streaming from red-eyed truth, truth filling and overflowing- brutal, honest, painful truth. RISE and FALL. RISE and FALL. RISE and FALL. “I love you. But I cannot be with you. I cannot give you what you need; you deserve someone better. Move on.” FALL.

Time stands still. Or time fast forwards. I am not sure- time is irrelevant. RISE and FALL. RISE and FALL. “But I love you.” The light in the corner crawls further into the corner.

(Source: ramirukun)

was interesting.

My dad and I started talking about true love.

My own dad doesn’t believe in true love. Even the person I look to most doesn’t have faith in relationships.

I want so badly to believe in love, more than anything. I want to prove the world wrong, to show everyone it does exist, their apathy was the thing that blinded them from seeing it, but how can I when anyone I put effort into being with lacks faith and eventually hurts me?

Please, please just let it be shown to me. I’m so tired of seeing the world tear itself apart with its apathetic and ignorant ways.

Please, let me meet someone with the same passion to keep our relationship alive and show the world true love DOES exist. It’s obtainable. It’s not something only found in fairy tales and movies. Just give me a chance.

(Source: seeyousoonraccoon)